January 19, 2016

Birthday Reflections

Yesterday was my 25th birthday. I'm sure at this point you may be tired of hearing about it. I promise this is the last.  It's fun when people make you feel special and loved. The celebrations started this weekend. My parents had us all over and my dad cooked us dinner. The tastiest fried chicken with lots of sides. YES LAWD. My sis made the biggest best birthday cake of all time.  On Saturday morning my hubs got donuts with candles on top (aka my love language) and he is taking me on a date tonight. Once you have a baby dates seem extra special, especially when you have free babysitters you trust. Again, YES LAWD! Yay!  And yesterday,  I got to snuggle Beckham all morning. We played and played and laughed and it was perfect, just what I've always pictured when I visualized what having a baby would be like. Then for lunch my in laws took me to my favorite place to eat, Hibachi! Seriously Hibachi, is there anything more delicious. Beckham thought it was entertaining too. After lunch my sweet friend Kristin came and picked me up (and Beckham) and took us to get some Starbucks! Which probably everyone already knows...my favorite thing. Starbucks is life. Am I right?!?! She brought me cupcakes, a bath bomb from Lush, and THESE BALLOONS (pictured above). Seriously, it sounds ridiculous and it really is but I've always wanted someone to buy me these balloons. I could buy them for myself...but that would be kinda pathetic?... Maybe. Dreams really do come true.  Yesterday I spent a lot of my day appreciating everything that I've been blessed with. It was catastrophically different from my birthday last year, which I spent part of the day crying and the entire day struggling with postpartum depression. It was the saddest birthday to me. It's weird how postpartum has a way of turning what would normally be a fun celebratory day into something really lousy. I didn't do much because I had a fresh new baby that was dependent on me to nurse him every two hours. That limits you, A LOT. And I felt that limitation like a heavy weight that was like a spirit crushing mass. Don't get me wrong I was so thankful and so happy to have been gifted a sweet little baby. It was just different, and change usually takes some getting used to.  Each birthday I reflect on my last year of life and create new goals for myself for the year I'm embarking on. Last year my goal was to work through my selfishness. The kind of selfishness having a baby brings out. I feel like I've come a long way (still selfish) but I've prayed and tried to seek Christ and allow him to drive out my human nature, which is selfish by default. More of Jesus, less of Emily. That's always the goal.  This year I have new goals.  Give.  In a world that constantly says get. I want to give. I want to give of myself in as many ways possible. Mostly, I want to be a giver of my time and a giver of listening ears. I want to invest time in people I love. How easy it is to be greedy with our time since it is so valuable. I want to be quick to listen slow to speak.  It's hard to listen sometimes. It's hard to sit back and truly be interested in what people are saying sometimes. It's also important. You know those people that really engage and listen when you are talking. The people who ask questions and seem truly interested in what you are saying. The people who look you in the eyes and really care. My goal is to be that person, because everyone has something to say, and everyone wants someone that will listen.  Have more fun. Worry less. I was really so good at this before I had a baby. There was a lot less to worry about back then. It's easy to get caught up and get flustered a lot when you have a baby. Everyday something will go wrong, or not according to plan. I'm deciding this year to go with the flow a little more and not put so much pressure for our day to go flawlessly. The simplest tasks become a lot harder with a baby in tow. I'm learning to embrace the "struggle" and enjoy the not so perfect.  I have a feeling each year is just going to get better and better. 25 is feeling really good, going to do my best to make the best of every second of it. 

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