November 14, 2017

A Few Thoughts on Motherhood

Motherhood, it’s hard.

It's been so long since I've put some of my deep thoughts into a post. Ever since my Instagram and blog were plagiarized by someone word-for-word and picture-for-picture (anyone remember that?), I have felt fear of putting my heart into words again.  It sort of stole my passion for writing and sharing for fear that my words and thoughts would be stolen again by someone pretending they were original to their own way of thinking. 

 I don't want to forever keep things to myself because sharing and possibly encouraging anyone else in a similar stage of life is humbling, and it invigorates my soul. 
With all that being said, parenting.
I used to blog lots about the struggles of sleep deprivation and how it really dulls all your human abilities until you no longer recognize yourself or are able to form a rational thought. But now I am in a different stage—the stage where even though sleep has not yet returned, I’ve learned to cope with it much better. My attitude is one of gladness instead of feeling sorry for myself for never getting anywhere near a full night’s sleep.
I’m somewhat back to feeling like a normal human being that can rationally exist again. 
  
Toddlerhood though... I heard about it and was warned about it, but boy how it's hard. When that little toddler self-will starts showing up and trying to show you who is boss, it kinda makes me want to run for cover and hide under a really thick blanket until the "storm passes." I have had some hard days and hard moments—haven't we all—but the hard days tend to seem like they beat you down easier than the good days fill your sails...you know? 
I was venting to my mom (which I often do) about my motherhood failures for the day and my need for wisdom and prayers, and she said something that really really stuck. She said "failures are like bruises, not tattoos." 
STOP. RIGHT. THERE. Those words, although she heard them elsewhere, sounded like they were straight from the gates of heaven into her head and out her mouth. Just what my heart needed to hear. 
All this time I pictured my failures forever a part of me. I pictured each of my daily failures tattooed on me somehow. Each time I snapped, raised my voice, lost my patience, huffed or groaned, a new tattoo added to my unfortunate, ugly character of motherhood and human existence....but NO. Just a little bruise that heals before hardly any time passes and is forgotten about. 
THANK YOU LORD. Being familiar with grace, I knew these things aren't forever a part of me, but somehow this visual has just stuck to me and will forever help me through hard days of parenting and whatever else. 
I hope that can help encourage you too. If you feel like motherhood continues to bring out your worst. If you feel like you continuously fail each day, just remember those moments don't define you. They aren't forever a part of your description as a mother. 
I’m going to keep failing but keep trying to be better and do better everyday. Praying the Lord gives me grace and wisdom in order to discipline and nurture and love and foster a creative home where our boys can grow into amazing young men with hearts that long for truth and a close relationship with Jesus. 
We got one shot, y’all. Let’s give it our all. It’s up to us to change the world, one little AMAZING human at a time.

2 comments:

  1. So sweet Emily! What encouraging words you’re mom gave you. Thank you for sharing. Love covers soooooo many of those little failures and you love your boys well. I’m sure of it. Your posts radiate that!

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  2. I'm not a momma yet but boy can I relate to this! As a first grade teacher, I needed this reminder too. Thank you for sharing your heart and your sweet sweet family!

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